A public school teacher was arrested by the F.B.I. today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board an international flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At an early-morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder stated his belief that the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
Holder did not identify the man, who has been charged by the F.B.I. with carrying weapons of maths instruction.
“Al-Gebra is a serious threat to the United States”, the Attorney General said. “They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like ‘X’ and ‘Y’, and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’; but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval, with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher, Isosceles, was wont to say, ‘There are three sides to every triangle’.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said: “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have provided us with more fingers and toes.” White House aides told reporters that they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.
It is widely considered in Norway that a second Nobel Peace Prize for President Obama is justified by this remarkable insight.
Hat Tips: Rod Giles and Herbert Rowley